Sharing The Mental Load
Being a woman in medicine is no small feat. You're juggling a demanding career, making life-or-death decisions on the regular, and then somehow still expected to remember to buy toilet paper, RSVP to the school field trip, and make a dentist appointment for everyone.
If you’re feeling this, you’re not alone. The mental load, that invisible, exhausting checklist running nonstop in your head, is very real, and women often carry it disproportionately, especially in dual-career households.
So let’s talk about what that looks like, why it matters, and how to actually share the load with your partner without having the same conversation for the hundredth time.
What Is the Mental Load, and Why Is It So Heavy?
The mental load is the behind-the-scenes, unpaid project management that keeps your family running: meal planning, birthday gifts, school sign-ups, tracking doctor’s appointments, remembering to water the plants (and keep your own plants alive, metaphorically and literally).
For women in medicine who are already balancing a high-stakes career - this added burden can lead to serious stress, burnout, and resentment. You might be crushing it in the OR or clinic, only to feel like you're falling apart at home because you forgot it was pajama day at daycare.
Spoiler: you’re not failing. You’re doing everything. And it’s too much for one person.
Why Sharing the Load Matters (and Not Just for You)
Sharing the mental load isn’t just about fairness—it’s about sustainability. You can’t bring your best self to your patients or your family if you’re chronically depleted. Plus, studies show that unequal division of household labor is linked to lower relationship satisfaction (on both sides).
The good news? You don’t have to keep carrying it alone. But shifting the balance takes intentional conversation, clear expectations, and yes—some unlearning for both partners.
5 Ways to Share the Mental Load Without Fighting About It
1. Have the “Invisible Work” Talk
Sit down and actually name the things you’re managing. Chances are, your partner doesn’t even realize how much you’re juggling. Awareness is step one. If you have difficulty initiating this conversation, card games like Fair Play can help.
2. Divide Ownership, Not Just Tasks
It’s not just about doing chores—it’s about owning them. Instead of “Can you help with dinner?”, try “You’re in charge of meal planning this week.” Ownership means you’re not the one managing it in your head.
3. Use Tools That Work for Both of You
Shared Google Calendars, grocery apps, chore charts—whatever works. The key is to keep responsibilities visible and collaborative. And no, sticky notes on the fridge don’t count. One of the digital calendars that we love is linked here.
4. Ditch the Perfectionism
Let go of the idea that everything has to be done your way to be done “right.” If your partner packs the kids’ lunches and forgets the cute notes—guess what? They’ll survive. And you didn’t have to do it.
5. Make Space for Regular Check-Ins
Have a weekly meeting to talk about what’s coming up and how you’re both doing. It keeps the communication open and the resentment low.
You Deserve Support- At Work and at Home
Being a woman in medicine means you’re already challenging expectations and showing up for others in huge ways. But you don’t have to carry the weight of two full-time jobs - doctor and household CEO - by yourself.
Normalize asking for help. Normalize delegating. Normalize rest. And remember: sharing the mental load isn’t just good for you—it’s good for your relationship, your kids, your health, and your future.
